When Children Have Depression After Death of a Parent

When Children Have Depression After Death of a Parent Depression Childhood Depression Print When Children Experience Depression After Death of a Parent Distinguish sadness from depression with these tips By Lauren DiMaria linkedin Lauren DiMaria is a member of the Society of Clinical Research Associates and childhood psychology expert. Learn about our editorial policy Lauren DiMaria Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD on August 05, 2016 Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Steven Gans, MD Updated on February 03, 2020 Depression Overview Types Symptoms Causes & Risk Factors Diagnosis Treatment Coping ADA & Your Rights Depression in Kids mrs / Getty Images While there is no way to predict how your child will react to the death of a parent, or how this loss will affect them, some circumstances may increase the likelihood that a child will experience depression after a parent dies.  Surviving parents and family members can take steps to ensure that your child receives the support or treatment they need to heal. Helping Yourself Helps Your Child The way that you and other caregivers react to death will affect how your child reacts. As a parent or caregiver, you will need to address your own grief through outside support or counseling for the benefit of the whole family. Getting the support you need will show your child that healing is important. Parents and caregivers who express and discuss their feelings are likely to have children who do the same, whereas families who hide their emotions may be teaching a child to be ashamed of their feelings. Keeping feelings inside is a common behavior among people with depression. Tell Important People in Your Childs Life Collaborative healing efforts will provide your child with the extra support and love they need during this difficult time. Your childs pediatrician, teachers, and friends parents need to know about the parents death. Reaching out to those who have daily contact with your child will increase the available support. Make an appointment with your childs pediatrician to discuss how your child is coping. Supporting Your Child Grief is a normal process and typically does not require medication or therapy. However, you may initially need to spend more time with your child and assure them that you will not leave. Talking with your child on an age-appropriate level and encouraging questions provides a supportive environment. Here are some more suggestions for supporting your preschool and school-age children through the grieving process: Answer any questions they have honestly, but try to keep your answers simple and brief. Its also OK to say that you dont know or that you dont have the answer right now.Avoid using euphemisms for death, such as resting or sleeping forever, as this can be confusing for a child. Instead, explain that when someone dies, their body stops working. They can no longer breathe, talk, move, eat, etc.Reinforce the fact that death is part of lifeâ€"not a form of punishment.Share any religious or spiritual believes your family has about death and dying.Make sure the child understands that it is not their fault and they are not to blame.Help them understand that their parent is not going to “come back,” even if they are good.Be careful about associating death with sickness as this can cause them to become fearful about their own illnesses.Use books and online resources to help them understand death.Encourage them to express their emotions and feelings by writing or drawing a picture.Explain w hat to expect at the memorial services and allow your child to decide if they want to attend. If your child decides to attend, ask a trusted friend or family member to be available in case they cant handle it and want to leave early.Allow older children and teens to play a role in planning the memorial if they want; this can include gathering pictures to display or picking a favorite poem or reading for the memorial service.Encourage your child to spend time with friends and participate in hobbies and social activities; remind them that having fun is OK and it doesnt mean you dont miss or love your deceased parent.Let them know that it will take time to feel better and that its normal to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, shame, and anxiety. Teens, in particular, may deal with sadness with displays of anger or risky behavior (such as unprotected sex or substance use).Remind children how much the deceased parent loved them and do your best to talk about them, show them pictures, and share memories. Factors That May Contribute to Depression While a loss of a parent or caregiver is traumatic for any child, the likelihood of this turning into depression depends on four factors, according to a report in the Journal of American Psychiatry. Researchers found that children whose parents died by suicide or an accident were at higher risk for depression than children whose parents died after developing a sudden and natural illness.?? Additionally, they found that children in the following situations were more likely to experience depression within two years of the loss when compared to their peers: Past mental health illness, like depressionFeelings of accountability for the parents deathLost a mother While these findings suggest that certain circumstances surrounding a parents death may increase the likelihood of depression in some children, it is important to understand that not all children in these circumstances will become depressed as a result. When Its More Than Sadness It is normal for a child to feel sad or scared when a parent dies. But if their sadness or fear continues for an extended period of time, worsens or significantly interferes with their normal functioning, its important to consult your childs physician for evaluation. Seek immediate attention if your child has thoughts  of suicide or self-harm. Early identification and treatment of depression in children are important, as there is potential for short- and long-term consequences such as low self-esteem, substance use, and suicidal thoughts and behavior. How Do You Know If Its Grief or Depression? Recognizing Depression Children who are depressed may feel hopeless, guilty, angry, or misunderstood. Here are a few more signs to watch for: Changes in sleeping habits and appetiteWithdrawal from family, friends, and hobbies that they used to enjoyA significant drop in school performanceAvoidance of school or social activitiesVague, unexplained physical complaints, like a headache or bellyacheDifficulty concentrating and making decisions You cannot prevent your childs loss, but you can support them through this difficult time by allowing them to grieve and by creating a safe and loving environment. Part of that support is recognizing when your child has become depressed and seeking treatment to help them heal. What Parents Should Know About Childhood Depression